originally written Mon Aug 11, 09:14:32 PM:

so i am on Zoloft (sertraline) because of my depression, and because of the panic attacks i have been having. i mean, it's not a magic bullet, for sure, but it sure beats wanting to kill yourself every morning.

the problem is that i got the whole akathisia thing. restlessness. i can't keep still. like i always have to keep moving my legs around. i toss and turn in bed at night.

i read somewhere (i'd look it up, but my net access is limited to my cel phone right now) that you can treat it with benztropine, niacin, and 5HTP (5-hydroxytryptophan.) unfortunately, benztropine is a prescription drug (it is an anti-muscarinic agent—i.e., anti-cholinergic but specific to the muscarinic receptors vs. the nicotinic receptors, and is used to treat parkinsonism) but niacin and 5HTP are readily available over-the-counter, and so i've been trying it out.

i really can't tell if it's working.

all i do know is that i am having pretty vivid dreams. and that i am better at staying awake during the day (although i do still need a little caffeine boost every now and then.)

i also wonder if it has a synergistic effect on the sertraline. for some unknown reason (maybe it's simply that the sertraline has finally gotten to therapeutic levels after six weeks), i feel a lot better these days. i can't really point to anything that might have triggered it.

consider that serotonin, melatonin, niacin, tryptophan, and nicotine are all related substances, though.

serotonin, among other things, has been implicated in depression. (not enough serotonin means a crappy mood.) relatedly, mdma (ecstasy) causes a precipitous release of serotonin. this is why you get all happy. but, just like lsd, which is a serotonergic agonist, you can also get hallucinations.

melatonin, along with serotonin, regulates the sleep cycle, actually, the circadian rhythm in general.

niacin, which plants can synthesize from tryptophan, is found pretty much everywhere, the precursor to NAD (niacinamide adenine dinucleotide—necessary for most of metabolism, particularly in the conversion of sugar and fat to energy and carbon dioxide, a do-it-all cofactor to many enzymatic reactions.) incidentally, it is also used in the treatment of hyperlipidemias, decreasing the production of VLDLs and increasing the production of HDLs (the good cholesterol)

tryptophan is an essential amino acid, is supposedly what is responsible for the post-prandial dip on thanksgiving (as turkey is loaded with tryptophan), and is the precursor for both serotonin and melatonin

nicotine, which smokers know and love so well, is a cholinergic agonist (responsible for its stimulant properties.) a pharmacologist once told me that nicotine is actually far more addictive than heroin. i don't know how he quantified that, but i kind of believe it.

so. i've been pumping my body full of these indole rings. i can only wonder what sort of havoc it is wreaking on my metabolism.

i promise i will stop if i start seeing things or hearing voices.