there is something seriously wrong with me. it looks like i need to see the shrink so i can titrate my meds.

i don't know. this whole chemical/spiritual dichotomy is really making me nuts. it's really difficult to believe simultaneously that my emotions are nothing but bizarre and highly complex electrochemical reactions in my brain, and then go out and say that i have a soul, and free-will to boot. i realize the Godelian paradox that makes it possible for this to be true. (i'll reiterate that some other time.) but it's still insane. it's like trying to see a tesseract in its four-dimensional entirety. mind-boggling.

somedays i wish i could just go mad and get it over with.

maybe i'll have my chance when the election comes. if bush and his evil henchmen manage to steal this election again, all hell is bound to come loose. the end of america. imagine the l.a. riots, except in every single major city in the u.s. the iraqis are gonna be looking at the destruction and be going "daaamn!" despite everything they've gone through, i bet they'll still be surprised at the level of savagery and havoc that americans are capable of.

i've had a dream about it already: i dreamt that i was driving my car down the street, and then all of the sudden i get surrounded by savage bands of foaming-at-the-mouth republicans. my only recourse was to run them down. eventually i can't manuever anymore, and they're throwing bricks through my windshield a la reginald denny, and i get out of the car with an aluminum bat and start swinging blindly until i get overwhelmed by flesh. at the point i wake up with a start, drenched in cold sweat.

it's time to stock up on some supplies for armaggeddon, folks.

if the election goes to w, i don't really expect to live through the next few months.