the subjective side of pharmacology, and some recipes for when you get the munchies. this site does not endorse the consumption of illicit substances.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

an over-the-counter high that is crashing…. so i survived the round trip car drive with the help of some pharmaceutical assistance readily available at the local drug store. now i'm hot and cold flashing like i'm post-menopause. that pseudo-chicago dog from wienerschnitzel isn't going down too well either, and i have to wake up in like five hours, and all i can contemplate is the great lonely vastness of space, and why should i wonder why i am so utterly alone in this godforsaken night.

all hope is false, so i sing to myself for consolation's sake. i don't understand anything anymore, i don't know where i'm going, hell, i don't know where i've come from. i might as well have sprung much like the virgin athena from zeus's head, and still having gone through the trials and tribulations, i know less than the goddess newborn.

fucking hell. this is going to feel awful tomorrow morning. i can feel it. and still i am not satisfied, i am nowhere near sated. my appetite craves for something that i cannot comprehend. there is this awful emptiness that i need to fill with something, and not knowing what it is, i am fucking doomed.

destiny. a convenient name for the place you end up when you realize that there really weren't any choices to begin with.

the deistic clockwork universe gone haywire. or more likely, moved through a gravitational field at near the speed of light, working einsteinian magic upon the quantum numbers.

was it purposeful that he chose the base number to be 2, as in the binary code itself? 2^3233364395:1 that i will find some kind of happiness in this life. those are some godawful odds. i might as well fold this hand and wait for the next lifetime really.

but suicidal ideation has never lead me anywhere, and with this madness raging through my brain, i think i just better lie down and close my eyes, and wait for some other day.